About Star Wars Episode Six

Spoiler Alert:

If you haven't seen this movie, don't read this, ya Dingus!

Also, if you haven't seen this movie, Get on that.

This movie is easily my favorite Star Wars movie (tied with the other two) which is why I was so surprised by how many things I noticed that I didn't like. I almost stopped for fear of what I might find, but for the sake of my huge Fan base, I continued. This is, after all, the final Star Wars film. It would be too ironic not to finnish. As for my problems, I got a list, here's the order of my list that it's in:

1. Probably the most annoying thing about this movie is that I don't have any clue what the time span is between this and the previous film. It can't be that long, because Chewbacca and Lando are on Tattoine the whole time. Apparently Luke has time to get a lot better, but not enough time to go back to visit Yoda. They obviously didn't have a lot of time to plan out the escape, but that's next. Luke tells Yoda that he has improved greatly, so he must have had a little while to train on his own (not that he's shown any improvement).

2. The plan to rescue Han must have taken about one minute to come up with.

"Here's what we're gonna do. We'll slowly infiltrate Jabba's palace one by one then, Luke, you come in last and shoot Jabba... That aught'a work. Any suggestions?"

"Yeah, let's have Leia bring Chewy in as a bounty hunter. That way He can be in the jail cell when we're all making our escape."

"It's a Trap!"

3. R2-D2 sounds different in this movie. He seems to be louder and more animated. It's like they updated his speech capacity with the hyper-child mod.

4. Luke... is so stupid at the beginning of this movie. He thinks that he's got these super awesome powers, but it's obvious that he's got some work to do. It's funny how he struts into Jabba's Palace even though he's probably not a whole lot better than he was at the end of "Empire." So this whole rescue mission is in the midst of Luke's experimental phase. He's like a kid who just learned a new word. He's so exited to show off only to realize that everybody already knows that word. All of this is the most evident when Luke visits Yoda. Even though he tells Jabba that he's a full fledged Jedi, when he talks to Yoda it's apparent that he's not at all certain.

5. I've made this visual to aid your understanding of my stance...

6. Now that we're on the same page, there is this edit that doesn't look good to me, but I won't bore you with that... It happens at 24:58.

7. Jabba's Palace setup is an oxymoron. He's got this primitive civilization thing going on, but he also has electric lights, automatic doors, and those flashing, beeping buttons with no use. 

8. The last encounter that Han has with Lando was not so nice. Why is he so willing to save Lando's life from the Sarlacc?

9. How convenient is it that the breaker box for the whole ship is right by Jabba for Leia to smash.

10. When Luke learns about his sister, he takes it pretty well. But in the last second before the cut to a different scene Luke's face makes a very subtle transition from, "Ok, Leia is my sister." to "Wait, I kissed her!"

11. Durring the Ewok scene, there is a whole group of Rebel troops hiding in the woods waiting for Han and Luke to find Leia. I wonder what they were thinking.

12. I just think it's great that the Ewok are willing to help the rebellion. Think about it. The Empire has never done any substantial harm to them and if they continued to rule, the Ewok probably wouldn't every see The Empire when they finished the Death Star. They help because it's the right thing to do, not because they  are in danger or stand to make a profit.

13. Yet another great comparison between The Force and religion. The Sith believe in Destiny and the Jedi believe in Free Will. In the same way, Christians disagree about Predestination and Free Will.

14. How could Luke possibly be surprised the trap? He's obviously proof that the rebel alliance is on the offensive. He even says, "I shouldn't have come. I'm endangering the mission." 

LUKE! You're slippin' up!

15. I swear to God! These God forsaken Stormtroopers are the worst solders...

OF ALL TIME!

I mean I've always known they were bad, but really? When a couple of Ewok can beat you to death with some twigs, you got a problem. I mean, how do you NOT SHOOT Han and Leia when they're totally cornered? I swear their bones are made of tissue paper. It's weird because their pilots are ridiculously good.

That's as much as I can say against this movie without throwing up. So now it's you're turn. Can you bare to mention something else wrong with this movie, or can you ease the pain with something good?

OR

Can you eat a whole bag of Doritos and honestly tell me that you're content with your lifestyle?

I don't think you can,

Dan Hatton

About Star Wars Episode Five

I would like to preface this by saying that I don't know why I'm starting with this one. This is a movie I have loved all my life. I take a lot of it for granted because I've been watching it for so long. A lot of the things I found really surprised me. I think you might be surprised too. This is probably obvious, but if you haven't seen the movie yet, this will probably not be that exiting and it will ruin the whole movie for you. And, here we go!

1. Until this movie, Darth Vader has been a lackey; an attack dog for the Empire. It isn't until Gov. Tarkin dies and even until Darth admits he is a Father that he becomes a leading figure in the Imperial Army. I don't know how I missed it , but it's one of the most important transformations in the series.

2. I wonder how they make the Ton-Tons run...

3. What's the point of those Glass boards with circles on them?

4. I think the fight with the Snow Monster in longer than it used to be.

5. The back-and-fourth banter between characters is perfect for the opening of the second Star Wars (or any sequel). The Characters are already well established from the previous film and it's nice to see that they are up to their old antics.

6. I'd bet Anything that the "Hey Ben" video by Balloonshop was a take off the scene where Luke sees Ben in the snow storm.

7. Luke getting his lightsaber is the first time the Force is used for something other than choking someone.

8. The first transport ship is shaped like a fish and the captain of the Imperial ship it's headed for calls it his "First catch of the day."

9. One of the rebel troops accidentally dodges a laser shot him when he trips at 33:12.

10. As a subtle joke, Darth Vader walks through a metal detecter when he arrives on Hoth. I knew about this, but it just occurred to me that it's probably more funny now than it was originally because of TSA.

11. When the Falcon has trouble starting Leia says, "Would it help if I got out and pushed?" a reference to cars, which don't exist...

12. There's no getting around it. Han is a total douchbag in this movie.

13. That whole conversation between Han and Leia right before they kiss is so cool, but it's so hard to hear.

14. Something I've noticed in all the Star Wars movies is that they are treated as second class citizens. It makes sense too; it there was a large population of robots living on the earth, they would be treated the same way especially if they were as smart as C-3PO.

15. Obiwan comes back in the Fifth movie. This is yet another subtle reference to the Religious nature of the Force. In the same way a God Fearing Christian, Faithful Jedi also experience Life after Death.


16. Han gets really mad when Lando tells about the trap for Luke. So mad that, even in his extreme pain, he punches Lando in the face and is beaten down. This shows that, despite his apathetic Charades, he is totally invested in the rebellion.

17. The Empire must have been prepared to handcuff Chewbacca. In the last movie the handcuffs wouldn't fit around his wrists, but in this movie they do.

18. This really is Han's movie. He makes most of the important decisions. Not that Luke is unimportant, but let's be honest, he's on the most remote planet ever for half the movie.

That's all I got...

Now it's your turn! Tell me what revelations you've had about this movie. Tell me what you think I got wrong. Tell your Mom that you love her. 

Thanks for reading,

Dan Hatton